Christmas 2015

I wish I knew where to start from but I don’t. Most times the deepest feelings of joy are the hardest to write about(of every emotion actually)

I’m very surrounded by love. God has been more than faithful.

Sometimes I look back and thank God for how I survived living in my aunt’s house during my youth service, I have totally forgiven her but whenever I think of the extremities, drama, lies, hypocrisy and hurting someone just because you think they are ‘kids’ and no one will listen to them or maybe your children won’t even want to hear their side of the story, whenever I think of these, I just smile and thank God…my soul is beautiful, I won’t wait for anyone to say it to me. I feel divine and I know it’s a gift of God’s.

 

God’s love for me is ever so amazing. He made me go through that and I learned service, I learned how to live with cunningness and to survive hate. I learned to love more in spite of conspiracy, but it also had a negative effect, I see women leaders in church and just wonder who they’re torturing at home and what innocent girl they’re trying to bring down and why?

It’s Christmas, I’m meant to write a happy post, but every time I feel this immense love, and it happens all the time, I try to wonder what she hated in me. We cool now, but sometimes, thinking of where you’ve been helps you appreciate more, where you are and where God is taking you. I feel I’m still going to ask her some day what the matter really was from the start, I’m just curious, I want to know, or I just want to help, I’m curious, cos I can’t imagine treating any of my future nieces that way.

 

She doesn’t know the value of the forgiveness I offered, and from the way it seems, her kids think it’s the other way round, but I know what it cost me, even though I freely gave it, I feel great, the feeling you get when you let go of a huge amount of money for a great cause that offers you no returns, that feeling when they don’t know how much something costs but you and God do and it makes you feel closer to divinity, that feeling when you give joyfully and sacrificially but no one even knows it was you or knows what it costs you but it binds you closer to God’s heart, I feel so beautiful within, and I never ever give anyone the opportunity to make me hurt myself with unforgiveness, I remember Joseph smiling and saying to his brothers, (not with hate, but with sweet overwhelming tearful joy) “You meant it for evil but God…” I feel beautiful, I’m very surrounded by love, I have spent  the last 4 christmasses (including yesterday) without feeling like a slave, and it has been joyfully overwhelming…

I forgave the moment I packed my boxes and walked out that door that night, not knowing where I was going…It’s paradoxical to say this but that moment I walked out was  my “Father forgive them”…I don’t remember right now the face of any of the guys that were sent by a stranger in the UK (very impromptu) to come pick me from the front of my aunt’s house with my three boxes, to take me to his place where I slept that night but that was the beginning of my strange manifestations.

 

That’s when I exposed myself to the open arms of love waiting for me in the real world, where if there are streaks of envy and hate, I just smile, calm myself down and say “relax girl, you’ve seen worse and nothing can be worse than that”, to a zone where it’s just God and I, I see man in his frailty, mortality, animality, and I spread hope no matter what…everything else has been a  miracle, more love guys, more genuine love, less hate.

It was like a phase, that one year was like a curtain, I was innocent and naive, was having a great life, happy, strong (I’ve always been this one, and it’s God, I don’t know how), joyful, spreading cheers, then I passed through that unbelieveable one year, and came out still innocent but more aware of the negativity in my world. This is not good for children or someone much younger, it could damage them, but I’m happy I had it at the time I did, and I had a good sense of judgement, and it didn’t change me. In fact my song was love before, then it became more love.

I wish you all a beautiful end of year and i pray that God puts more good people on our way, and help us to continue to overcome, no matter what or who happens…close your eyes, smile and take it all the fresh air you can…you are beautiful within, guard your heart and stay joyful.

doreen and me

My charming niece (from a long family path) and i can’t ever wrap my head around hurting her, we’re too far apart in age and experience…family should be held most high, love.

 

More love guys, more Jesus.

#NP John Legend You and I

 

 

 

For Your Glory – Tasha Cobbs

I do love to pout.

love Aludo_For your glory Tasha Cobbs

And many times, when I wake up, when I’m joyful, when I’m just back to my door from school or work< I go “A thousand kisses to you Lord”

 

I wanna see God, after all of this, I really do.

So living right, drawing men to Him, being great at whatever I do so that people can be drawn to my God and having an excellent spirit, mature, full of wisdom and beyond human understanding is a lifestyle, He enables me, I try, then he enables me…

Glory is something to-die-for, I don’t know how to put it, can’t explain…but really, thank you Tasha Cobbs for helping us express it in this song, cos I would anything to see this God, cos I love Him, cos I’m a huge huge fan and beneficiary, cos I got questions too…and cos I wanna just rest and play with my eternal Love, to behold Him…to just be there, right next, in His own home…chilling  with ma senior love…
“I wanna be where You are”

MY FIRST EVER HIV TEST

First ever HIV test today.

The conversation that ensued before it was funny, so, in order to avoid anything pretentious, (cos mostly all the time really interesting conversations take place during and before and even after events like this in my life) I’m going to develop the story in the third person. And my name will be Mennie.

Didn’t know it was going to be a HIV test, thought it was just checkup, general checkup but… Mennie’s story will be completed tomorrow.

I’m very very very happpy and grateful to God, what could have happened?

Yea, I would have kept it to myself but what could have happened if it were positive?…I should never think about it, just thank God for every miracle, it is well. 😀

Thank God for life, I pray we make the most of what we have whether it is disease-free or whether we feel it’s almost over…keep a good attitude. Thank God in everything! Thank you JESUS! 🙂 Love u till death Lord

Wanna add something? Feel free to drop a word

Crazy and a Break…then Crazy as usual…lol

You know those moments when your crazy friends or playful sisters break out of the usual and place their arms around you (or maybe not, cos they’re mostly long distant) and tell you something encouraging, give you a boost, remind you of God’s interest in your life’s journey???…Those moments are priceless…you realise that amidst all the craziness and fun moments and jumping about or minding their own business, they got you…they got you…

And your reaction?

U smile, or sometimes cry..I do cry, lol, or just react like “Niggur wat is wrong with u now? Hope u ain’t high?”

Hahaha…I have a bunch of crazy friends who’d reply with “are u leaving us, why u saying this?”…hahahahaha….As for Loveth, she usually says “Wetin u don do now?” (What have u done this time?)…..I have some of the best and craziest friends and sisters in the world…brother too….brothers too….lots of guys, wonder why I didn’t end up as a tomboy 😀

Sometimes it’s no deep speech, it’s just using the privilege of a safe landing from a high cliff of thunderous crazy fun laughter to ask “How are you?” Right after that exhale that crowns a good laugh.

How are you?
No really, how are you?

Daddy remembers…

I'm not chubby, God gave me happy cheeks...lol

I’m not chubby, God gave me happy cheeks…lol

More than twice in the past two years, including 2015, my dad would encourage me by reminding me of those things I did for God as a child. He’d list them all and I’d  start crying and then he’d add that God has not forgotten, and God is not unfaithful.

Tonight, I was just remembering, 7 year old me, gathering kids in church to come around for evangelism and hospital visitations, I think the world was safer then and parents had more trust…we walked far and wide with no adult, one time we got carried out of a hospital while we were praying, haha each time I tell that story, i keep saying “I don”t know how we got outside the hospital” we were carried by the nurses…lol.

I remembered those songs I wrote and taught the kids, small and short as I was, and I’m smiling as I write this. Those plays we acted. Those days of Andrew, Bolaji, Philipa, Ejiro and many whose names I don’t remember, we were eight,but mostly us 5.

Yea, I was a stubborn child but it’s funny how daddy remembers this and always uses it to encourage me in tough times that God never forgets me, and then he reminds me of seriously awkwardly tough situations that God has brought me out of before…immediately after the last big miracle, my youngest sister said “Love, it’s principle, show me the way”, I said there is no principle dear, it’s grace, remember, not of works…and she said “No, Love, this one is definitely by principle” and then she too talked about one thing I did loooonnnggggg agooooo, i don’t know if I should say it. I was a child, and it was awkward, in fact it was awkward to the point that even the Pastor thought it was a missing item…I’d given it to God, I loved it, but…cant explain…

i’ll keep that for another day,but really, I may have done many weird weird things and made sacrifices just because I love this God but I feel, He always brings me out cos He is God. And he knows deep in my heart who I am, my motive and He is committed to a plan.

God is committed to a plan for your life so hang in there, God has not forgotten your labour of love. If my earthly father remembers, amidst all those times I was a strong-willed and stubborn child, lol, (good stubborn not bad stubborn..still stubborn 😀 ) I’m sure God will never forget you, nor his plans for you.